Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed. At this point, the other three said, "You know, the was the most touching thing I've ever seen." And the guy answers, "Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!"
Q: Why did the snowman pull down
his pants?
A: Because he heard the snowblower was coming
A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid's little finger. A nurse standing in the room sees his little dick and begins to laugh hysterically. The young man gives her a stern look and says, "You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"
What's the similarity between getting a blow-job from and eighty-year-old and walking a tightrope?
In both cases you don't really want to look down.
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".
Q: How do you know a blonde has
been in your refrigerator?
A: There's lipstick all over the cucumbers.
A teenage girl walks into her
house and her mother says, "Honey, there's rice in your
hair! Have you been to a
wedding?" The girl says, "No, I was blowing a Chinese
person and he threw up."