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Just Friends or
Girlfriends?
Realistically, girl friends come in two categories, girls who are
friends, and 'girlfriends'. Girls who are friends are like mates,
they're friends you spend time with, who just happen to be girls.
'Girlfriends' on the other hand, imply that you are physically
and emotionally involved with them. Both forms of relationships
can be interchangeable; somtimes a boy and a girl who have been
mates might find through their contact with each other that
something else lurks beneath their friendship and it develops
into a romance. Or indeed a relationship may fizzle from being a
romantic involvement to becoming a more straightforward
friendship. One big mistake a lot of boys make is to assume that
there's a world of difference between a friendship with a mate
and a relationship with a girl. There isn't. Both rely on common
interests, spending time together, being able to talk to each
other, laugh with each other and trust each other.
Do You Really
Want A Girlfriend?
It is generally accepted that girls begin to mature earlier than
boys. This means that they reach puberty and adolescence at a
younger age and it usually means that they start wanting to have
boyfriends before boys of their own age start wanting to have
girlfriends. This is one of the reasons why it is very common for
teenage girls to have boyfriends who are a bit older than
themselves. At the same time, they are very, very susceptible to
pressure and influence from their friends. This peer pressure can
take effect in different ways, for example if all their mates are
still wrapped up in football and video games, they might not want
a girlfriend, as they might stand out from the herd, while if all
their friends are dating girls then they might feel they've got
to get themselves a girlfriend quickly. Peer pressure is not a
good reason for starting a relationship with a member of the
opposite sex. A boy who is going out with a girl just to impress
his mates is not likely to make a very good boyfriend, because
he's obviously going to be more concerned with what they think as
opposed to what she feels. You don't have to date anyone when you
are a teenager, and you will still grow up to be a perfectly
normal, happy and healthy adult. And in fact the more time you
spend on your own, discovering who you are, what are your likes,
dislikes, aims and goals in life, when you are a teenager, the
more likely you are to sail comfortably on to adulthood.
Talking To Girls
Before you can have a romantic relationship with a girl, some
sort of friendship is important. To start a friendship it is
necessary to strike up conversation. But this is something that a
lot of boys find great difficulty in doing for all sorts of
reasons, perhaps because it is a new experience, they are shy,
because they think that the things girls are interested in are
boring, or that girls will find them boring.
Communication
Skills
Striking up a friendship with a girl involves using communication
skills. Boys often don't talk to each other very much, so they
are not too hot on communication. Sure, boys hang around and swap
stories, but very rarely do they ever discuss anything intimate
or personal. And they practically never share anything about
emotions or feelings with one another. Indeed, when starting a
friendship with any girl, the greatest asset a boy can have is
not a quick, witty tongue, but an attentive ear. Conversation is
the key, it's the starting point of any relationship with the
opposite sex. That doesn't mean it can only be practised on
members of the opposite sex, far from it; the 'art of
conversation', the ability to speak interestingly, listen
attentively and identify similar thoughts, feelings and
experiences can and should be perfected by talking with anyone
and everyone.
Where To Meet
Girls
Relationships, especially those between teenagers, normally grow
out of existing friendships or acquaintances. Although there's
something very romantic in the idea of meeting someone who comes
from the other side of the world and then falling desperately in
love, it's far more likely that you'll end up going out with
someone from school or a girl you meet every Wednesday night in
the youth club. Contrary to popular belief, discos and nightclubs
are not particularly good places to meet people who you'll end up
dating. In fact, the majority of people have met their partner
either through school, college, work or another friend. A great
number of people seem to be going out with someone who used to go
out with a friend of theirs. In other words, you don't actually
have to scour the globe from corner to corner to find a soulmate.
The First Date
There are good places to go on dates and there are bad places to
go on dates. The best dates are the ones which give you both
something to focus on and during which you can be physically
quite close. The cinema is always a good bet for a first date
with a girl you don't know too well, because it means you can
spend an evening together without having to find too much to talk
about, and when you come out you have the shared experience of
the film to discuss. At the same time you've been close, sitting
together, and ostensibly alone. Events like concerts, football
matches, races or ballet are brilliant if both parties have some
reasonable amount of interest. But there is nothing worse that
being dragged along to two and a half hours of something you
don't like. So it is always better to try and pick something
safe. Going out for a meal together can make an excellent date
although if you aren't very comfortable just chatting for a long
time face-to-face, it could be a bit of a strain. The best dates
are not always the most exciting events. You don't really have to
see Madonna live or do anything particularly extravagant. The
real value from a successful night out together is the warm
feelings you get from being in each other's company which could
be just standing at a bus stop in the rain. Just because a girl
agrees to go out on a date with a boy, it doesn't mean anything.
There is a long way between going out on a date and having a
relationship. Just because you've been out with someone once, it
doesn't mean she's your girlfriend, or you're her boyfriend. Any
boy who assumes that he deserves good-night kisses or any other
physical intimate contact because he's been out on a date with a
girl is wrong. Very wrong. A date with a girl is not necessarily
a prelude to anything. It is a way of getting to know someone
better, and finding out whether or not you get on well.
French Kissing
French kissing is the name given to the type of kiss which
doesn't just involve the pressing together of lips, but goes one
step further and includes the touching of tongues. Both kissers'
mouths are kept slightly open during the kiss so that tongues can
be mingled and each other's lips and mouths can be explored.
Because it is a more intimate and arousing method of kissing,
it's obviously not the sort of kiss you'd greet your aunty with,
but this doesn't mean that it signifies anything other than the
fact that you enjoy that level of intimacy with whomever it is
that you are kissing. It must also be pointed out that French
Kissing is not necessarily very arousing or very nice,
particularly the first time. It can be wet and sticky and
uncomfortable, not because either party is doing it wrongly
(there is no right or wrong way) but because you just don't
happen to like it. Wet, tongue- filled snogs are sometimes not
half exciting as soft, sensual lip-brushing kisses. It's all a
matter of personal taste.
What Having A
Relationship Means
A relationship is about trusting, loving and respecting each
other. It's not just about getting off with one another for a
night and having a serious kissing session, it's about developing
a friendship that involves intimacy, care, fun and honest
communication. Ideally relationsip are ongoing and growing, so
they will continue to develop and improve as time passes, so long
as both parties are willing. Relationships are not about
ownership. Being someone's girlfriend or boyfriend is not a
statement or a legally binding agreement. It is only stated of
mind shared between two people. What the rest of the world
thinks, believes or does isn't actually an issue. What is an
issue is how you treat each other and if you cacn bring each
other comfort, pleasure and happiness. Those are the sort of
relationships which are really worth having.
When It Ends
One of the most painful things that any teenager has to go
through is the experience of being chucked or rejected by someone
they feel strongly about. The fear of rejection makes asking
someone out so difficult in the first place. So, when you are
eventually rejected by someone you have gone out with, it is
doubly painful. All the same, it is important and practical to be
able to deal with rejection, as we will all have to face it in
one form